Fear and Laziness

After a hibernation of about a year and blaming words to have left me somewhere in the middle of the desert, I have finally decided to write again and write it out till the end, if such a thing exists...

I have realized or have borrowed the realization of my life being shaped by 2 very central elements of my existence - fear and laziness. And the more I think, the more I see that this fear comes out of and goes back into freedom, the freedom of choice, of life as I wish, or as I am expected to wish. Strangely enough to many, and still rationally obvious to some, the freedom of choice does not bring/imply by itself the level of freedom. It depends on the number of options, and its not very difficult to realize that with uncountable (yet finite!) options, the freedom of choice translates into a bondage of decisions - selection or rejection, black or white, happy or sad, good or bad and and even bigger trouble of the REASON for the choice.

However dumb and stupid we are, and we know well how much we are, we look out for reasons for out actions and decisions and choices and what not! What could be more disgusting than the fact we tend to look out for reasons even to convince ourselves - conditioning ourselves with theories of both individualism and as well as subscribing to belief systems. And this makes me believe that there is no difference between the so called 'atheists' and the so called 'believers of God'.

Fear - of presence of God in theists and the absence of God in atheists. But atheists are much more courageous - they don't fear something they don't see, they fear themselves, and they confront themselves every single day.
How central it is!

This so called freedom of choice brings me to the reality of choicelessness, the absence of reason of all that is me and all that is not me ...